Saying Goodbye to 2013 and Two Amazing People

2013 has brought so much to me. It was a volatile year – full of change, laughter, tears, anger, growth and love. I am not alone in feeling the weight of 2013 and many friends of mine are happy to see her go.

One thing 2013 brought was loss. This year I attended more funerals than weddings. Of them, two were probably the hardest hitting deaths I have lived through. This year, heaven collected two new angels too soon. Well… too soon for those of us left behind.

Both of these angels lost their battles to cancer this year (Fuck cancer, right?!). So both knew the road they were travelling on and both had time to prepare. And the rest of us prepared as well as we could, I think.

Kasi was beautiful, smart, had a HUGE heart and an infectious smile. I was lucky to have her as a friend, a confidant and a co-90′s music lover. I had an obsessed dog mom to talk to about our furry ‘children’. I finally had a girly girl at work to talk about clothes and weddings and trashy television programs.

With cancer being what it is, an asshole… I knew Kasi wasn’t here for too much longer and I am so, so, so, so thankful that I got to tell her how much she meant to me before she was taken from us.

AJ was like family. Another uncle keeping an eye on me. It was said so perfectly at his funeral that he lived without judgement. I hope to be more like AJ from now on. AJ would ask you the questions no one else dared to ask. He would eat a full steak dinner for breakfast before a long day. He sported an Igloo cooler better than the finest accessory. He was timeless, consistent, kind, responsible and fun to be around.

With cancer being what it is, a stupid jerk… I got to spend a few ‘last times’ with AJ. Times we all acted the same but knew it was the last time he would be there. I got to help him when he was sick, make him smile when he was in pain and got to just spend time with a remarkable man.

Death is such a heavy thing. Closure is too. I am not going to lie, I still feel like I will run into AJ or Kasi any day. Knowing that they are gone is hard.

Kasi-BWAJ-BW

So goodbye 2013 and goodbye to the goodbyes you forced upon us.
You mark a tough year.
You took too many.
Goodbye Kasi and goodbye AJ. Be well. You are so missed.

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4 Responses to Saying Goodbye to 2013 and Two Amazing People

  1. Jen Braley - Staines says:

    beautifully said Amanda – you have such a way with words, I wish you knew my Rob. Not cancer but still sucks to have to say goodbye to him. Good riddance to 2013 and here’s to a better 2014,

  2. dear amanda.
    first off let me just say that you don’t know me. i’ve been interested in starting a blog and was just tooling around the internet and found yours. yours is the only one where i signed up for updates. your kindness and humanity shines through everything you write and i loved your love for brody.
    we lost my dad, my sweet pops, to cancer 4 years ago. it’ll be 4 years on jan 26. unfortunately, we were not prepared. diagnosed early december, gone a few weeks later. his death helped me see a lot that i was not happy about in my life and i made changes.
    two weeks before christmas, my 17 and a half year old cat – a long-time companion. i was able to prepare for that. she was a very special creature and i was lucky to know her. and again, i find myself wanting to make changes.
    keep writing your lovely blog and just know that there are people who you don’t know who are encouraged by you and who are rooting for you.
    best
    terianne, an american living in rome

  3. lmorris520 says:

    Beautiful. I don’t know you, but I knew AJ and your thoughts & words about him are spot on and lovely. Much peace and joy to you in 2014~

  4. What a great piece.. Thanks so much.. very touching.. cancer does suck.. life seems so unfair at times, taking from us the ones we love, most often when we need them or want them the most.
    But, as sad and as hard as it all is, God has so much in store for all of us beyond this physical life. That’s hard to hold on to. You can’t touch, feel it or reach it in times of sorrow. But it’s there waiting for us and for those whom we have lost in the present day… Feel the sorrow and the pain, know that today is temporary.. these bodies will wither but a great potential life waits beyond..

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