I had a wonderful Thanksgiving and I hope you did too. I will admit, I spent too much of my day fighting back tears welling in my eyes though.
I took to the internet to diagnose my issues and found a name for what I think I am struggling with – anticipatory grief.
Brody is sick. Brody has been sick since the end of April. Since then I have gone through waves of sadness. Now with those damn holidays creeping up on me, the emotional levels, as usual, seem to heighten exponentially.
Instead of enjoying my Thanksgiving with my puppy, I spent most of the day agonizing on if this is our last Thanksgiving together.
I really know how to kill a nice day.
Something about having a name for how I am feeling is empowering and makes me feel a little less insane. It is a thing and now that I have a thing – I can go to battle with it.
The day Brody broke his leg, I was sent home with no hope and nothing to even pray for. I was told they would make him comfortable but we would be putting him down the next day. Amputation wasn’t even on the table until the following day. But Brody passed every test, blew every vet and vet assistant out of the water and was a great candidate for the surgery. He wasn’t done yet.
Each extra day with my main man is a blessing and here I am trying to ruin it all by being sad all the time. No more. Time to buck up and be psyched for each day we have got! I need to take advantage of each day and stop agonizing over what will happen in the future.
We DO have a big appointment Thursday though so I will still be accepting good thoughts and prayers!