You Only Have This One Life


Life has been a little crazy lately. We are working very hard to make sure we are doing what we think is right for the long haul. Sometimes setting that foundation means you have to be uncomfortable in the ‘right now’.

Adam realized a few years ago that he was not going to be happy with office/desk life and that he wanted to pursue a career in medicine. So I think we are about 4 years into a 10ish year journey to make that dream happen.

I remember pretty clearly the conversation when he figured out this was what he wanted to do with his life. He was afraid that he was too old to start this new journey or that I would not be a willing participant to see him through. There is definitely a difference between being the wife of a businessman for the next 10 years vs. being the wife of a student for the next 10 years. I chose to be the wife of a man who worked his ass off to chase his dreams.

We are both all-in and making this happen.

What about other dreams? It is hard to make plans for other dreams when the one right in your face is larger than an elephant. What about them? What about having children, exciting vacations, building our empire, chasing my own career aspirations? Do I put those on hold and start a To-Do list for 2019?

The smart decision would probably be to do that. Wait until we are settled. Wait until we have the money. Wait until the timing is right.

I never promised you smart decisions.

So blame the baby. Blame the death of my beloved dog. Blame the tragic funerals I have had to attend lately. Blame the pride I have when I see my husband working so hard to chase down his dreams. Blame the cancer diagnoses of friends and family – strong people being put through way more than they deserve. Blame the weather, for all I care but…

I decided waiting for 2019 is too long.

So I am making a few changes. Some big and some tiny.

Tiny changes – Silly things like instead of being pissed iced coffee is so weak, just order a freaking iced Americano. Small behavioral things like complaining less. Bitch fests can be fun but are they helpful? Eat more kale. No, that is a lie. This whole kale phenom needs to slow its roll. So I refuse to buy-in to kale but I am acknowledging there are lots of little things that I can make better about my day to day.

BIG changes – I am going to travel more and not just staycations.

This Fall I am going to Ireland with my mom. We have both always wanted to go but it has never been the right time and we have never had the ‘extra’ money. I don’t think there will ever be the right time or ‘extra’ money. So we are making now the right time.

What about the baby?! The baby is coming too. I have already met people who grumble about traveling with a baby but you know what? I have talked to even more people who are pumped about the idea. So me and my momma and my baby are going to Ireland.

And after Ireland, I plan on going someplace else too. Just not sure where yet.

BIGGER changes – We are moving to the island!

We bought a house (well another house – we have to still sell our current house). We have already started moving. Baby E will be growing up on an island. I was nervous – I am too busy, it is too inconvenient; we can’t host lavish parties that our friends will come to etc.

What I DO have is a network of family and friends to help me raise this amazing little boy – it takes a village right? I can’t think of a better place in the world to raise a child. A boy that can play outside, go to the beach every day and ride his bike to the store when he can still tell you how old he is with one hand. I am going to like that.

And the busy body worries? Convenience of a ferry? Lavish parties? I think more than those things, I need to enjoy my days more and maybe doing less will make me appreciate them more. Oh and I still can throw a lavish party, people will just have to bring sleeping bags.

BIGGEST (and smallest) changes – I am going to appreciate this one life I have.

When I look back at the last decade or so, I know I could do better. I could have been kinder, I could have done more, I could have been happier. As cliché as it is, I think about a poster that I have seen at Saddleback for the past few years. I can’t remember it exactly and if I try Googling it, it seems to be attributed to too many different folks. The message of it is that life isn’t made of minutes or days but of moments.

I want to look back on my life, especially this stretch, and see for myself that I crushed it – baby and all, med school and all, career and all.

You only have this one life. Why are we saving it to live later?